To Be or Not To Be

Running often provokes many struggles, both physical and mental. Most runners are plagued with an injury at some point in their careers; my first came in the form of hip pain last fall. Many of us struggle with finding time away from our families to work in our runs, and all the while wonder if we are being selfish (we are not). Some of us struggle with deciding if running is really worth the time and effort, or if we should just continue with our leisurely walks. My struggle this week involves racing - and I do use that term very loosely as I am by no means good enough to be competitive with anyone but myself.



I sometimes picture myself with an angel on one shoulder and a demon on the other. The demon, wearing his flip flops and holding a piece of chocolate cake in his hand, is shouting, "Just go home, watch America's Got Talent, and eat a package of Oreos! You are 43 - too old to pick up running. You couldn't even run as a child! " The angel, wearing her little white Asics and a sweatband, is saying, in her oh-so-gentle voice, "Keep on moving! You can do this! Just look how far you have come!" Fortunately, the angel usually wins that battle. This week the two are trying to sway my decision on an upcoming race. Our small community celebrates its birthday with a week-long festival, the Schweizer Fest. It is the time of year that friends and family return home, high school alumni host their reunions, and the annual road run is held. The road run consists of a 2-mile run and a 6-mile run, and last year boasted 500 runners. As a really new runner last year, I ran the 2-mile. Given the Southern Indiana heat and humidity, that was long enough! Since that time, I have planned to run the 6-mile this year. That race involves a steep mile-long incline at about mile 3.


I have been running that hill for over a year, and I have yet to feel that it is not difficult. I want to kiss the ground every time I reach the top. My running buddies and I have been running the course - in the evening - every week this summer in preparation for the race. In the evening...when I am wide awake, hydrated, well-fed, and ready to run. On the weekends, I run in the morning, which generally works well. Not so this summer. Even running early does not help my body adjust to the humidity. Back in the spring, I was able to run 10 miles; this summer, my furthest run has been 7 miles. This past weekend, I went out with a positive attitude ready to run at least 6 miles, but I had hoped to go further. I felt good, it was a pretty morning, and I had nothing on my agenda that would require me to hurry up and get home. I was so ready. Then I started to run, and it was hard. I ran slowly, and once I hit 3 miles, I had to walk. That little devil started in, "And you think you can run the 6-mile? Ha! You couldn't even run 6 on a flat course!" The angel was not around that morning. My guess is she slept in! I ran another mile, at a pace 2 minutes slower than usual - I was crawling. I was beginning to question my ability to run. What was happening? It was hot, but not really unbearable. Another walk break...another mile at tortoise pace...disappointment. During that run, I decided, with the help of the evil one, that I would not be signing up for the 6-mile race. I was not going to do it if I had to walk, and apparently that would be the case. I tried to analyze the reason behind my lack of energy: is it just more difficult to put the miles in in the morning because I am fresh out of bed, my muscles are not quite awake, I haven't eaten, and I haven't really drank anything? I have run in the mornings a lot over the past year, but this heat seems to make it much more difficult, if not impossible.


After I returned home from that dreadful outing, and told my husband of my decision. He didn't see my logic. He thinks that I should just get out there and run it; if I have to walk or run at a slower pace, who cares? Jackie, one of my running buddies who has trained for this race with me, had the same sentiment. 'Why can't we just run it for fun and fitness?" she said. That evening, Jackie was going to be running. I rarely run twice in one day, but I had to prove to myself that I could do it. So I went out and ran 4 miles with her, and we ran it at a good pace. I felt great - totally different from just 12 hours earlier. Last night a group of us went out to run the 6-mile course. I ran it, and I ran it well. Our goal is to run it in under an hour. I ran it in 56:39. I want to run that race. I want to run it well. I just know that if I have to walk, knowing that I should be able to run the whole course, I will be angry. When people say to just run it for fun, I am thinking what fun is it to run a horrible race? What fun is it to run slower than I am capable of IN A RACE???


Jackie and I are going to run the course again Saturday at 8:00 am. That is exactly 2 weeks before the actual race. That run will likely determine if I sign up. Which one will win: the little devil or my encouraging little angel? Then I have yet another decision to make: to run a half marathon or not. It is on my bucket list, and there is one in October that is just an hour away. My friend, Jennifer, is running it, so I would have someone to train with. I was really going back and forth on this, and then my husband, yes, the one with the artificial knee, comes home with a half marathon training plan that HE plans to do! If he plans to run it, what excuse could I possibly come up with to not run it?! As if that isn't enough, Traxee has issued a challenge for us women to set a fall goal, and to support one another in meeting those goals. I think my little angel has been busy aligning the stars.


As of this moment, no official decisions have been made. My little angel is working hard by putting the right people in front of me. I do know that I make most important decisions by asking myself what I would be most likely to regret. Would I regret not running the 6-mile race? (yeh, I know the answer). Would I regret not attempting to run a half marathon with my husband? (I know that answer, too).


Note: I added this picture from a New Year's Day run to remind everyone that someday this sickening heat will end!