As most of you are aware, this week my first children's book Dear Daddy becomes available. I will receive my copies tomorrow. I am anxious - and a little apprehensive - to see the final product. I have the digital copy, and the text and illustrations turned out beautiful, but I am not sure what the quality of the actual book will be. I hope that it is of high quality, and that people will be happy to give it as a memorial gift to a family.
The response I have received since announcing the release on Facebook and through email has been amazing! I am thrilled to have the support of my family, friends, and community, but must admit that I do not do well with the attention. I keep getting this knot in my stomach when I think about getting out and marketing my work, but I also realize it is expected and necessary.
Several friends have asked me about the process I went through to get this book published, so this blog will shed some light on that subject.
Many years ago when my daughters were faced with losing someone close, I began to look for books about death to share with them. There were not many available. Many reference the death of a pet to help kids understand death. While I know the writers of these types of books had good intentions, losing a dog or cat in no way compares to losing a family member, especially a parent. Now don't get all upset, Animal-loving friends! I have lost pets, and I know that it can be devastating, but it still doesn't compare. Losing my father when I was seven literally changed the course of my life.
When I went back to college at the age of 33, I discovered I liked to write, and that I wasn't half bad. I had an awesome professor for writing, and though she ripped several of my papers to shreds, she taught me more than any other professor. About midway through the semester, she actually entered one of my papers in a contest - and I won! It wasn't a huge contest, but I won $100, and I gained some confidence. After graduating from Brescia and beginning my first teaching job, I began to think about writing a book about death for children myself. Who better to write such a book than someone who had gone through the death of a parent? That was five years ago (I said it was a long process!).
Once I began writing, the words just spilled out. The emotions I felt when I was seven were still strong, and just thinking back to that day in 1974 brought back the details of that day. I decided to write the book in the form of letters to my dad. While the events of Dad's death are accurate, many details were changed so that the book addressed the five stages of grief that even kids go through (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance). Names were also changed, but the names I used all have significance.
Once the book was written, I began sending it out to children's publishers. And the rejections started arriving. While this was at times very discouraging, I felt passionate about my topic and my book. Over the past five years, I sent it out to different publishers on and off. I put it away for awhile when I was busy with other activities, but then would send a few more copies. A couple of years ago I received a rejection from one lady, but she included a note that said it didn't fit the genres they publish, but that I should send it to another publisher because it was good. This reignited my hope, so I pressed on. I also knew that JK Rowlings first Harry Potter book was rejected 12 times before finally being accepted (can you imagine how those first 12 feel now?), and the first book in the Chicken Soup series was rejected - get this - 150 times! Now I certainly don't expect the success those books saw, but knowing that those great books were rejected over and over gave me the encouragement I needed.
This summer I finally received an email from Renaissance House saying they were interested in my book. Wow. It was not the ideal situation, but it was something. Many publishers pay all publishing costs, and most times even give the author an advance. No such luck for me! Renaissance co-publishes, which means I had to pay a portion of the costs. I had a decision to make. Gary and I talked it over, and I decided that this might be my only shot, and the woman with whom I was working seemed to share my vision. It was an investment in my future. If I could get this book out there, it might be easier to get other books published - and I have other books written! So I signed on the dotted line, and off we went.
One of the benefits of co-publishing is that I felt I had more of a voice in the process. Since I was spending my money, the book was going to be as I envisioned. When the publisher first edited the text and sent it back to me, it was awful. They basically rewrote the book, which bothered me for two reasons. First, they changed some things that had actually happened. Second, it was a major blow to my confidence! The one thing I thought I was fairly good at was writing, and seeing the edited version (that looked as if someone had bled all over it) made me feel like I sucked. I cried; I analyzed; I whined to Gary. I got up at 4:00 in the morning and went back through the book, and then I emailed the publisher and told her that I just could not accept the changes. None of the changes were due to grammatical or spelling errors; they just reworded what I had written. I would not have felt honest if I told everyone I wrote a book, knowing I really just wrote the first draft and someone else rewrote it. In the end, they put it back to the original text with some minor changes I could live with.
Once we agreed on the text, it was time to illustrate. The publisher chooses the illustrator, but I was able to choose between two in-house artists. I chose Don Dyen because his illustrations are soft and realistic. Because I read children's books daily, I know the importance of great illustrations. Many kids who cannot connect with the words can connect with the pictures. I first received Don's sketches, which just showed the scenes he had in mind to go along with the text. Once I approved those, he took the next month to complete the full-color illustrations. I was really nervous about this part. I wanted them to be beautiful and to portray what I felt.
I received the final copy a couple of weeks ago. The email arrived during my lunch at school. At first I didn't open it. This was it - I was going to see my book - MY BOOK! I told my principal that it had arrived, and that I was afraid to open it. She told me to get back to my room and open it. I decided to share the moment with my third graders, and was I glad I did. They knew about the book because I thought it would be great for them to learn about how a book is published first-hand. When we got back to the class, I told them that the final copy had arrived, and that they would be seeing it with me. I also told them I wanted their honest opinion. Believe me, eight-year-olds are honest!
What a moment! The minute they saw the first illustration, they began to applaud! It was an emotional time for me. The kids loved the pictures, so I knew it was good! I have not read the text to them because it is about death, and I just don't feel right reading it to them. I also don't really know if I could read it aloud. It's just too personal. Crazy, isn't it?
I approved the final copy, and it was off to the printer. And here we are today, hopeful that my copies will arrive tomorrow. My goal is to help children see that whatever they are feeling is normal. It is okay to feel angry or to cry. It is okay to question God; He can handle it. I want this book to be a starting point for conversations about death between adults and children.
There are a few people I need to thank, and this is the best forum I can come up with. First of all, I want to thank my husband Gary. He is unbelievably supportive of my dreams, and always encourages my writing. This could not have happened without him. Thank you to my sister, who has always been my biggest cheerleader! To our children - thank your for your support, patience and kind words. I should also thank my girls for your patience when I ignore you because I am into whatever it is I am writing! To my friends who have read my book and given me feedback - Chris, Kim, Loretta, Paul. To my running buddies who have been ultra supportive: Jackie, Kass, Tony, and Jennifer. And, very importantly, to my Southside Christian family and to the Rectors...you all have no idea how much you have meant to our family. You helped us through some difficult times, and stepped up just because you cared. We might have moved south, but you will always be part of our lives.
And that is the journey I have been on. Hopefully it won't take five years to get my next book published! Now call Celebrations and order a book! Or you can wait a few days and order online at http://www.laredopublishing.com/, or a couple weeks and order from Amazon. Yup...you will be able to type my name in Amazon, and something will pop up - how cool is that?
Celebrations is hosting a book signing on November 4 from 5-7 pm. I feel really weird signing books, but it is part of the job.
Thanks to all of you for your support!
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