Life Lessons

My oldest daughter turned 22 this week.  As my girls begin to branch out and become more independent, I can't help but wonder if I have taught them all they needed to learn in order to be successful, compassionate adults.  What words will they remember?  My sister, brother, and I all joke about the words we remember from our mom:  It just isn't necessary!  That was her token response whenever we inquired as to why we weren't allowed to do something or why she wouldn't buy us something. 

I have spent a lot of time recently pondering what lessons I want my girls to remember.  I have been creating this list in my head as I run, or when I couldn't sleep at night.  Below you will find my list of random life lessons...some I have done well with, and some are works in progress!  I still have much growing to do, as do many of us. 

1.  You must be able to take care of yourself!  Never depend on a man to take care of you.  Even if you choose to stay home and raise your children, be certain that you have skills and are employable.  Get some type of education, and always do your best.  You won't regret it.  My father died when I was seven, and he had always taken care of the finances.  My mom got a very fast lesson in finance and household management.  We do not know what the future holds, so we must be prepared for any situation.

2.  If you mess up, which we ALL do, OWN UP TO IT!  Never place the blame on others.  Admit you were wrong; apologize; accept the consequences for your actions; and move on.  When my students do something wrong, and then get angry with those who told on them, I explain that they are the ones who messed up.  The person reporting the incident did what I would expect - the right thing.  We make choices every day.  If we choose to do something wrong or unacceptable, then we are also choosing to accept whatever consequences go with that action. 

3.  If you hurt someone's feelings, whether it was intentional or not, apologize.  I have had children say things that hurt others' feelings, and they say, "Well, I didn't mean to."  Well, you did, and if it hurt someone, the right thing to do is to apologize.  I know that many, many times I have made stupid comments, or what I meant to say came out wrong, and I have had to go back and apologize.  It certainly isn't easy, but it's right.

4.  Never jump on a bandwagon without knowing all of the facts, and triple checking those facts.  It is very easy to believe bad things about others, and to get right in there with the crowd and hurt people.  Think positive!  There is no way to know what is in someone's heart or what his/her motivation is.  When some gossip says, "They say..." - run the other way!  Somehow no one ever knows who 'they' are. 

5.  One of my favorite quotes from a sermon is Don't say it if you wouldn't sign your name to it.  I heard that years ago at Owensboro Christian, and I try to live by that (not always successfully, but I do try!).  Think of the gossip that would be eliminated if everyone lived by that mantra!  When you get ready to share something you heard, ask yourself if you would be willing to sign your name to that statement.  Powerful stuff!

6.  Sometimes doing the right thing is hard!  Sometimes it means you will lose friends, people will criticize you, or your family will be angry with you.  If you know in your heart that you have done what is right, it will work out.  Eventually people will learn the truth, and those who don't and continue to criticize, aren't really worth having as friends anyway.  You have been taught right from wrong - follow your heart, not the crowd.

7.  Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself and make you laugh.  It took me many years to get to the point that I don't care that some people don't like me.  It used to drive me crazy if someone didn't like me, even if it was someone I didn't really consider to be a friend.  We all have little quirks, and can all be annoying.  We don't have to like everyone, nor does everyone have to like us.  We do have to respect everyone.  If a friendship takes a lot of effort or is stressful, it isn't worth my time.  Friendship should be recipricol and natural.  I would rather have a few awesome friends, than a bunch of shallow ones.  I am very blessed to have reconnected with friends from my years in Northern Indiana, and to have maintained friendships with people I went to school with.  I have new friends from work and from running.  There are always opportunities to make new friends.  Just today, my youngest daughter was talking about her friend she has had since preschool.  She said, "Mom, sometimes I wonder how different I would be if Luke weren't my friend."  She went on to tell me that he is more outgoing than she, and that she thinks she would be much more shy if they weren't friends.  Isn't it amazing that a 13 year old would have that insight. 

8.  When you are choosing your life mate, choose carefully.  You should have similar values and goals in life.  You should be treated like a queen, and likewise, you should treat your husband with the utmost respect.  He should be your best friend.  I am so fortunate to have someone with whom I enjoy spending my time.  He makes me laugh, supports anything I try to accomplish, likes sharing time with me, and is great to my daughters.  On the occasion that you do fight, have boundaries.  No name-calling.  Don't say something in the heat of the moment that you will later regret.  Tell each other every single day that you love one another.  Kiss each other every day!!  Don't take one another for granted.  Always, always take time for each other.

9.  Don't believe everything you hear or read.  Especially in the era of the Internet, people can write only what they want you to believe.  Proceed with caution.  When you are online or texting, always remember that what you write never really goes away.  Be smart!

10.  Be kind and make others glad that they know you.  If you have the opportunity to make someone's day, do it!  If you can make life better for a child - do it!  You never know when something you say will have a major impact on a child.  Make it a positive impact. 

11.  People are going to disapppoint you.  Lots of people.  If it was intentional, don't go back for more.  If it was unintentional, and he or she apologizes, give it a chance.  We all mess up.  You, too, will disappoint people, and you will want another chance. 

12.  My mom always said, "Two wrongs don't make a right!" and "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything".  Wouldn't that make the world a happier place??

13.  Don't wear dress socks with tennis shoes.  Peanut butter on bologna is a great snack.  Sometimes a girl has to be a little uncomfortable to look good.  Use conditioner.  Don't smoke.  Exercise so that you can enjoy sweets on occasion (or daily).  Don't try on hats in stores - lice!  Don't let them put that sombrero on you at the Mexican Restaurant (same thing).  The Sound of Music is the best movie ever.  Green beans are gross, even when forced down with milk.  Always wear a slip with see-thru dresses and skirts.  There really is a Santa Claus.  Well, this list could go on forever. 

14.  PRAY!  PRAY!  PRAY!  God is the One who will always be there for you.  Never lose faith, and know that He has a great plan for your life.  We might not always understand, but we must always believe.

You can be whomever you choose to be.  Never let someone tell you you can't do something that you have your heart set on.  Set goals, then come up with a plan to meet them.  If I can start running at the age of 42, and run a half marathon, you girls can do absolutely anything!  Don't say I can't.  Say I will try.

So, I am certain that there are many more lessons, but those are the ones that have been on my mind recently.  Sometimes I wonder if my girls hear anything I say; other times I bubble over with pride when they make great choices.  I haven't always made the right choices, but the choices that I have made have brought me to where I am today, and that's a pretty great place to be!